People
love their routines. We have patterns that govern when we wake up, which route
we take to work, what we spend our days doing, what we eat, how we exercise,
and when we go to bed. Routines like these (and so many more) come pretty
naturally to human beings. We like to feel like we’re on top of our
responsibilities and making progress toward our goals, and staying organized
helps us feel in control. We find the most effective and efficient way of doing
something, and we stick to it.
Unfortunately,
if we’re not careful and intentional about it, a routine-oriented mindset can
take over our sex lives too, and unlike the workplace, where routines can mean
success, routine in the bedroom usually means boredom, apathy, and loss of
intimacy.
Old
habits are the opposite of what the heart wants. Instead, sex should be a sort
of play — a journey of self-discovery that doesn’t always go exactly according
to plan. Think of the last big trip you took: Did everything go just as you
expected? Were the most memorable moments the carefully pre-planned activities
or the spontaneous decision to ditch the museum tour and go for a boat ride or
a walk through an outdoor market? In matters of the heart, a little
unpredictability and an adventurous spirit go a long way.
If
you find yourself feeling stuck in a boring sexual routine with your partner,
think of it as an opportunity to try something new and restart that journey of
self-exploration. This kind of lull in intimacy happens to all couples
eventually, but the good news is that there’s a great (and somewhat surprising)
way to reinvigorate your sex life with more novelty, mystery, and play: be just
a little bit selfish.
Here’s
the thing about routines — they make everything run smoothly, which means that
your life can fit in neatly with the lives of the people around you. We all
make sacrifices for the convenience and wellbeing of others, and while this
isn’t a bad thing on its own, no one can live that way forever. Sometimes, you
need to break away from the perfect routines and indulge something just because
it interests and excites you.
Take
some time to think about what you — just you — love. For once, put your partner
out of your mind and reconnect with the things you’re passionate about. Maybe
it’s painting, playing music, or going for long walks or hikes. Maybe you’re
more of an adrenaline junkie, and it’s skydiving or mountain biking that get
your heart racing. Maybe it’s as simple as reading a really good book that’s
been sitting on your shelf, unread, for years now. Regardless of the activity,
take some time to remember the things that bring a smile to your face, and give
yourself permission to do them. Interrupt your routine, take some time just for
yourself, be a little bit selfish, and do what makes you happy.
This
kind of indulgence has so many great benefits. First of all, it will increase
your immediate happiness. Doing activities we love can be a reset button on our
whole outlook on life. It’s a great way to put aside daily stress, open your
mind to more creative and emotional ways of thinking, and remind you of who you
are as an individual.
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It
will also make you a better partner. Remember when you first met your partner
and felt sparks flying every time you learned something new about them? Back
then, you were drawn to each other because of your unique passions and your
rich, interesting lives. This is your chance to bring that feeling back to
life. By indulging your interests and passions, you continue to grow and deepen
as an individual, and you make yourself a more interesting and exciting person
to be around. This will lead to stronger attraction and more exciting sex
between you and your partner, and it might even encourage your partner to
reconnect with their passions as well.
Finally,
it will also remind you that life is full of choices. One of the things that
makes rigid routines dangerous is that they make us forget that we have choices
about how to act, think, and feel every day. When you start letting your
schedule make decisions for you, you miss lots of opportunities to choose your
best, happiest, most fulfilled life.
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