Faking orgams is no way to live your life.
It’s particularly important for women to speak up if
climaxing is an issue; according to one 2005 study, less than a third of women reliably experience
orgasms from intercourse alone.
Faking it may stroke your partner’s ego in the moment, but
in the long run, sex therapists say you’re both losing out. Below, six reasons
to stop pretending you’re sexually satisfied.
1. You’re losing out on the health
benefits.
“Orgasm activates many beneficial neurochemicals, such as
dopamine, vasopressin, endorphins and oxytocin. These neurochemicals provide
many emotional and physical benefits, including improved sleep, temporary pain
relief, decreased anxiety, immunity boost, improved concentration, overall
well-being and a sense of euphoria. If you fake orgasms, you forfeit these
protective benefits.”
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2. Faking it ruins sex for everyone
else.
“I can’t tell you the number of men who tell me that after
sleeping with upwards of 30 women, ‘none of them needed 20 minutes of clitoral
stimulation!’ Obviously, this means many women are faking it since most women
need about 20 minutes of melting body-to-body relaxation and then lots of clitoral
stimulation. Porn often suggests to men that sex for a women is only about
bigger, harder and longer thrusting intercourse but that’s not true. It’s about
clitoral stimulation. Women need to clearly represent what they need, demand it
and change their own sex life. That’s how you readjust male expectations.” ― Laurie
Watso, a sex therapist and the author of Wanting Sex Again: How to
Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage
3. Your partner will continue
to get it wrong, over and over again.
“A big part of sex is the discovery and exploration of what
we like and what the other person enjoys and needs to receive pleasure. When we
have a real orgasm, we teach our partner what ‘works’ for us. A partner who is
connected and paying attention can absorb that and continue to learn the
technique and touches they believe brought you to orgasm. Lots of people feel
like ‘taking too long’ or being ‘orgasmically difficult’ is the worst thing
they can be; I say take your time, explore your orgasm and allow your
partner to be on that journey with you. An hour of trying and exploring things
that feel good, even without an orgasm, ultimately can still be beneficial.”
4. Faking it is dishonest.
“Your partner may find out you’re faking it. How that
affects their ego will depend on how they respond to the fact that you have
essentially been lying to them. So while it might be comforting to them in the
moment to think they are pleasing you, your sexual relationship is being built
on a fundamental lie. Frankly, they’ll probably figure it out; no one is that
good an actor. They might appreciate the effort but it’s a much bigger
turn on to really feel someone orgasming, for real.”
5. And lying again and again can
just lead to a sex rut.
“Put simply, orgasms feel great and motivate you to want to
have more sex. When you’re not having orgasms, the sex quickly becomes mediocre
and frustrating and disincentives you from wanting more sex. Next thing you
know, you’re in a sex rut.When you’re having orgasms with your partner, it
generally means that you’re relaxed, sexually present, erotically stimulated in
your body and connected to your partner. When you’re faking it, you’re often
none of these things.”
6. At the end of the day ― or night
― your pleasure matters.
“When you fake an orgasm, the message that you send is that
your pleasure is not important to you, or that it’s too much a burden for
someone else. You not only rob yourself of feeling pleasure, but you rob your
partner of the opportunity to please you, to learn more about you. You lose the
intimacy and bonding that only orgasms can bring.”
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